5 Jobs I Would Definitely Do

April 17, 2016

I’ve been pretty bummed since I posted an April Fools’ status on Facebook stating I would be accepting a full-time position in retail for years to come and people seemed to feel it was a good fit. Looking back on it now, I suppose they were just being supportive of anything I chose, but the idea that that’s all they thought I was capable of haunts me.

I need to clarify my stance, if only so I can get the thoughts out and repair some burned bridges: there’s nothing wrong with being a flight attendant, a retail worker, a skydiving instructor, a teacher, an actor, or a soldier. Society needs them, and people want to be them. These are jobs about which anyone can be passionate.

However, for those who don’t consider them a calling, who need to find outlets in their personal lives and just use work to pay the bills, I don’t think I can side with you anymore. Like it or not, work is where we spent the majority of our waking lives, and settling for something just to eat and sleep is giving up. I know this is an unrealistic expectation, and I don’t care: the world has it wrong telling us to waste time on tasks, even to provide essential needs. I’m right.

That having been said, here are some positions I believe I could get behind, listed in the order of preference.

1. Cultural Consultant

I wouldn’t be surprised if few people had heard of this type of consulting work. When doing business in another country or with another culture, a company sometimes needs to have someone available to advise and assist with language difficulties, cultural differences, or even something as simple as arranging transportation (Uber isn’t available everywhere yet). These types of jobs aren’t strictly labeled as consultant positions; recently I had the chance to work as a production assistant and driver for a Japanese TV show being filmed in San Francisco. Quite satisfying.

2. Professional blogger/Youtuber

I list this as #2 in order of desirability, but it falls last in order of possibility. Short of me being magically transformed into an attractive woman with a sharp wit, my chances of getting any attention on YouTube are slim to none.

Blogging is another matter, but the odds are still stacked heavily against me.

3. EMT

Why? Because it’s a physical job that requires a great deal of intelligence. It provides a living wage, can be performed in any state, and, above all, I’d be able to see the results of my labors, the lives saved.

4. Comedian

There are many practical reasons why this is in the top five. As Ricky Gervais has proven, being a career comedian has no age cap at the start (he worked a menial job until his late 30s). As John Oliver and Jon Stewart have proven, comedians can change the world, influence people on a massive scale, and be well liked while doing so.

5. Foreign Service Officer

I’ve already tried applying for this job twice, to be denied at two different stages. The US government accepts applications for civilians to be employed at embassies and consulates abroad. Those seeking such work not only need to have a solid understanding of the politics of their host country, but a good grasp on local laws and how they might affect Americans visiting or living abroad.

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